On the Living Quarters Of Young Adults And the Greater Consequences of their Arrangement A Case Study of Chamberlin House P.H. Fordsworth To begin any account of the living together of many young adults in one house, as the Chamberliners do, one must first ask the questions of how often and to what extent students of the opposite sex may interact. In the regrettable case of Chamberlin House, there are but 2 (two) floors that operate within the boundaries of proper moral standards, those being floors the 1st (first) and 2nd (second). Of these 2 (two) floors, the 1st (first) remains the perennial choice of those male students who choose to abstain from the company of young women until they reach the morally appropriate age of 22 (two-andtwenty) years. As for the floor the 2nd (second), it is chosen by those few females, as there are few females within the house from the start, who fancy the solitude of having a quiet adult family as neighbor. Outside of the lowest 2 (two) floors of the house, it pains your humble guide to report that the two sexes may freely fraternize, and even share a coeducational loo and bath, the symbolic smoke of their sins billowing through the higher 4 (four) floors and rising out from Chamberlin Tower, as if to challenge the height of Rockefeller s hallowed chapel. Still, one must appreciate the care given in the development of Chamberlin house. The rooms are all of reasonable size and one is not forced to share one s room with another person, as they do in prisons with limited capacity for the foul souls within and in other campus dormitories. Even more to Chamberlin s credit is the great inequity of the size and benefits of the individual rooms within the house. Echoing the beauty of capitalism, the expansive and lofty rooms of the 5th (fifth) floor are reserved for those firstborn Chamberliners who, like the great men of our time, have inherited their power from those elders whose time has expired. The rooms within Chamberlin follow a pattern, but that pattern is often deviated from. The floors 3rd (third) and 4th (fourth) have two sets of rooms nearly indistinguishable from one another and serve as the model for 3 (three) of the other floors of the house, so we will consider these floors first. 1
2 Let us first consider the courtside rooms of this paradigm, in descending order from room 3 (three). Room 3 (three) is (tied for) the smallest standard room. It has few options for arrangement of furniture. It shares a wall with the showers of the loo. Room 2 (two) has features identical to room 3 (three), only flipped along one axis. It is not loo adjacent which may be more comforting to some students. Room 1 (one) is nearly identical to room 3 (three), with the sole difference being the unique feature of a bookshelf behind the door to the room (represented here as horizontal bars). Room 0B (zero bee) is the largest courtside room, allowing for quite a bit of freedom for furniture placement. On floor 3 (three), a frequent choice is to place the bed against the window. This renders the closet unable to be closed, but allows one to make use of the light switch next to the window without getting out of bed. The closet does not have upper storage. Room 0A (zero ay) has three windows and a cozy size. Because of the unique features of the room, the furniture can fit in the room in only one way comfortably. These rooms are chosen early each year in the lottery.
Let us now consider the rooms facing the midway, in ascending order from room 4. Room 4 (four), directly across from the loo, is larger than average and has a double closet. Because of its attractive qualities, the room goes quickly each year in the lottery, though occupants may choose to keep the door to the loo closed so that they may more comfortably keep their door open. Rooms 5 (five) and 6 (six) are the largest of the standard rooms. They come complete with double closets. These rooms go very early in the lottery each year. Because in room 6 (six) the area that the door to the room takes up is shared by the area the closet door takes up, there is slightly more space in the room and more possible arrangements of furniture. This gives some the impression that room 6 (six) is superior to room 5 (five). Grade for Both: Room 7 (seven) is similar to room 2 (two) in that they both have single closets to the right of the door to the room. However, room 7 (seven) lacks the portion of wall between the closet and the door (the closet is flush with the wall, as shown) and so that area is open space within the room. Room 8 (eight) is slightly larger than room 7 (seven). This is because the closet is not a physical intrusion into the room but is a part of the wall. However this closet does not have an upper storage area. 3
Rooms 9A (nine ay) and 9B (nine bee) are connected and one must walk through room 9A (nine ay) in order to reach room 9B (nine bee). Because of this, room 9A (nine ay) is infrequently chosen in the lottery. The view from 9A (nine ay) is nice (and nicer on higher floors) and room 9B (nine bee) has a closet without upper storage space, so many occupants choose to have both rooms together, making the inner room a bedroom for the both of them and using the outer room for work and socializing. Occasionally an unscrupulous student will even choose to do this with a member of the opposite sex, causing balls of sinfire to launch from the suite s windows toward Rockefeller s wondrous chapel and attempt a heathenous coup. 4 9A (nine ay) varies; to 9B (nine bee) Co-ed Suite Let us now consider the deviations from the paradigm (established on the floors 3rd (third) and 4th (fourth)) of the floors 1st (first), 2nd (second), and 5th (fifth). The floor the 1st (first) maintains most of the rooms of the paradigm, but with the area ordinarily used for the Burton-Judson suite used as a house lounge. The lounge produces quite a bit of noise, even during quiet hours, making those rooms near it less desirable. As for the rooms on the end of the floor opposite the lounge, the boiler that heats the house is directly below, making them less desirable during the spring quarter. The floor the 2nd (second) maintains the rooms of the paradigm for those on the courtside, but in the place of the paradigmatic rooms facing the midway is an apartment containing an adult couple and their small children. This appears to be a strange architectural feature, coupled with the fact that their rent is paid in desserts on Sunday nights, but renders the floor very quiet. The floor the 5th (fifth) maintains only rooms 0A (zero ay), 0B (zero bee), and the BJ Suite (on this floor, 6A (six ay) and 6B (six bee)) from the paradigm. The other four student rooms of the floor the 5th (fifth) are all rooms unique within the house. The floor is ordinarily very quiet.
5 Let us consider the unique rooms of the floor the 5th (fifth). Room 52 (two-and-fifty) is among the most highly desired rooms in Chamberlin. It has a large size and a double closet, yet, despite this, still feels cozy because of the slanted ceiling/wall above the bed. Room 51 (one-and-fifty) is nearly identical to room 52 (two-and-fifty). Any difference in size is negligible. Room 54 (fourand-fifty) is the largest room in the house. It has a special closet with one door and the size of a double closet. Room 55 (five-and-fifty) is nearly identical to room 8 (eight) of the paradigm. The sole difference is the added feature of a second closet. Neither closet has an upper storage area. This limits the arrangement of furniture but because of the extra closet and the 5th (fifth) floor location, the room goes quickly each year in the lottery.
Let us now consider the greatest anomaly of Chamberlin house, the floor the 6th (sixth). All of the rooms in the tower have high ceilings, which many students find desirable. Room 60B (sixty bee), which at first glance appears to be a closet for room 60A (sixty ay), is actually the smallest room in the house. It has one small window with a view of the roof of Vincent house. Because of its proximity to the tower lounge, this room goes quickly in the lottery most years. 6 varies; to Room 60A (sixty ay) is larger than room 60B (sixty bee) but faces the same drawbacks as room 9A (nine ay), namely someone else can freely walk through your room at any time. There are, however, four windows in the room. The room goes quickly in the lottery most years. varies; to Room 61A (one-and-sixty ay) is the smaller of the two lounge-side tower rooms. However, it is still sizable and has direct access to and control over the tower lounge, in conjunction with room 61B (one-and-sixty bee). This room goes very quickly each year in the lottery. Room 61B (one-and-sixty bee) is the larger of the two lounge-side tower rooms. It has the same benefits as room 61A (one-and-sixty ay).
I make no attempt at a universally applicable list of rooms by quality, as my predecessors have, to their detriment. In that list s stead, I end my account of the rooms of Chamberlin house with a poem of dedication to my subject matter, in dactylic hexameter. Rooms, Muse, sing of the rooms, which, though varied, yet married the gals and Guys, who longed to belong in a house, made a home not alone but By the friendship they make. But make no mistake, though the nearness Queerness starts, it departs. I remark, hark, peerless is fearless Chamberlin, who aims to win, to chagrin, and to finish First in ev ry test, til the rest must confess wh has the best nest. First-years lose tears; words from the lounge only heard from the ground; though Gals make pals on the floors we adore. Fourth-years on the high tiers; Cheers to their Chamber-careers. One hour in the tower makes their throne known. When you, flattered today, are scattered away, may ye yet cry, Cham! Ber! Lin! Cham! Ber! Lin! Let none forget the house we wer in! 7